I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
