Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The air was thick with penises
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
