We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
