woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
