The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently you make a good broom.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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