but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize