Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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