I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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