So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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