Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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