i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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