I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
