i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
