Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
