Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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