So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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