She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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