Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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