so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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