My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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