I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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