I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
