I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
