Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure