Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos