she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need a beard to bite.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.