dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?