u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that