dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.