why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void