I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.