I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.