She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock