I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man