Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!