In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.