can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
