We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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