I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
