11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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