Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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