Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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