i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
40s are totally the cure
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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