i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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