Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
