life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize