I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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