i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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