it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
