Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
