a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
