You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
