is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Your tits are I can't wait for
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
