Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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