my vag is so smooth its legendary
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
