I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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