mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He did a backflip because drugs
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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