She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
