I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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