You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
