Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
