I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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