I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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