So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
