ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
