I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
