If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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